That Window
by AoiHyou
Summary: "I cursed the world on him..." But can one person handle the world? Angsty fic. Please R&R. No flames.


**"That Window"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. All standard disclaimers apply.**

**Warnings: May be some harsh language. All standard warnings apply. Some angst.**

**A/n: If you're wondering why there are quotation marks, you'll see in the end.**

**Summary: (Format revealed below) Death fic, 'someone's POV. Read to find out

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"He was always a good listener.

He was always there with that all-knowing smile and bulletproof ears.

He was always ready to take whatever shit you had to pour out.

He was always there when the world did a reverse and crashed and burned in your hands.

He was always waiting there so damn patiently to heal those burns and cuts before they scarred you.

He was always... _there._

It was like finally having something solid to build on.

Not lies or empty promises, a solid reassurance.

I remember how sometimes, when I was training or something, I would get so frustrated that my legs would carry me to his window, or his door, whichever I found convenient at the time. I would find him and start yelling, even if I do know he's sleeping.

I blamed everything on him because I knew he would accept me.

I knew he would understand and forgive me.

He always did.

That smile.

He would always wait silently, wait patiently until I had no more words to say, and I had nothing else to curse at him. Until I?fd spit the whole world out at him.

I yelled what I was thinking. How I was feeling.

I yelled the truth.

He would listen with that 'yes-I-know-, now-get-over-it' look and listen. Not even wincing at my swears or harsh words.

Then, when I had nothing else to say, when my mind couldn't rustle up anymore curses, I would just pant for breath, and he would smile that damned smile and ask the promised question.

"So, what's really wrong?"

His green eyes would watch calmly as if I hadn't just screamed a string of curses at him.

That was when I'd feel my sanity crawl back and shut up.

He would just smile again, if I didn?ft explode into more curses.

"Do you feel better?"

I poured the world on him. I told him all of my damned fears and angers in those session, I let all that was bottled up burst like Old Faithful and fizz down until all I was left with was mist, to cool me down.

And still, he gave me that knowing smile and precise nod.

"Good"

His silence made me feel arrogant.

I felt immature next to him, and ridiculous as I recalled my yells, my true feelings.

He made me see things I couldn't, because I was too close to it. He made me take a step back.

When everything's locked inside, it jumps around the walls and tries to get out, and it seems like the whole world is against you, whirling and bashing against you.

But when I would release it all, yell it in his face, it seems so little and insignificant compared to the world.

He made me wiser.  
He made me calmer.  
He made life _bearable._

Did I ever return the favor?

He just listened. He was waiting there for me. Waiting, but not coming.

Did he ever tell me any of his fears? His anger?

...Did I ever ask?

He is Youko Kurama, deceiver and thief. We all know that.

He is Shuuichi Minamino, student and teacher.

But that was all a mask.

He fed us meaningless blurbs and bits to hide the real things from us, to feed our curiosity and keep us from wondering.

But...

What do I know about him?

I poured the world out to him.

But what did _I_ know about _him?_

He always knew exactly what to say, he knew where necessity and unnecessary started and ended. He knew exactly how much would be enough to satisfy us.

But now that I think about it...

What do I know about him?

I never asked him a thing. He was so comforting and so familiar there was no reason to be suspicious. To wonder.

Did I ever, even once, stop yelling and consider what he was thinking?

What was hidden behind that all-knowing complete mask of his?

Did any of us ever ask him? Relieve him of any of the world's weight?

He was like our therapist.

I know the others went to him too, he was that neutral one you could always trust to keep secrets. The one you knew wouldn't tell a soul when you revealed something not so public.

But who does the therapist go to when he want to tell his troubles?

Who listens that hadn't spoken?

Did any of us ask...?

I cursed the world on him.

We all dropped our weight on his shoulders.

Why didn't we see he was carrying the most?

That he had more weight from the beginning than any of us?

Didn't we see?

...No, he hid it.

He hid behind that smile, that all knowing comforting damnable smile.

I cursed the world on him, I poured the world on him.

I built on him, weighting him down even more.

Then it all crashed and burned.

Why didn't we go to him when Shiori died? Did we all believe that fake smile?

Why couldn't we see past it? Aren't we his friends?

The world fell violently and burst into flame.

No one picked it up this time.  
No one was there to clean the wounds.  
No one was there to lift the weight.  
No one to listen.  
No one to ask.  
No one to blame.

I cursed the world on him...

I guess he couldn't handle the world.

Tonight, or tomorrow night, I know I'll end up there.

My legs will carry me to that window or that door, my mind will start racking up words.

My mouth will start to speak, and then I'll remember.

I'll remember it was this I wanted to curse on him.

I'll remember and stop what I was starting.

How can you curse someone about their own death?

He won't be there today.

He'll never be there, again."

The faintest bell rang in the wind, tears stained handkerchiefs and sleeves.

The speaker stepped down with the most regretful look on his face. The others nodded, understanding. He took a seat next to the others and watched as it was lowered.

The finest polished black, with roses on the inside.

A fox engraved out of silver, riding on the top.

And inside it all, was a shell. A shell of their best friend.

The casket was lowered into the ground. With a thousand unanswered questions...

_What did we know about him?_

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**End "That Window"** **Don't you wonder who the speaker was? Was it obvious? Don't ask, I was feeling depressed and decided to write angst. And surprisingly, there was no yaoi. (Gasps)** **And yes, if you were wondering, Kurama committed suicide. Hides as things are thrown at her** **And yes, again, that was the funeral speech.**


End file.
